When is Panda Express not Panda Express?

I wandered into a Chinese place in Pasadena called Chinese Express a few weeks ago for a quick lunch. What I found was an eerie semblance of a Panda Express. Even down to the colors of the uniforms.

Mushroom Chicken



Chicken with Green Beans and Orange Chicken



Tofu and Japanese Eggplant



Even the vegetables are identical to Panda Express



The orange chicken had more breading. It was more like chicken donuts than chicken candy. Interestingly, the one dish that was not a Panda copy was the best - Chicken Curry.

Vancouver: Obey Jonathan Gold at any Cost

Whenever I visit an aquarium they always have a gigantic King Crab. Part of me is standing there thinking about the wonders of nature, and part of me is thinking, "If not for these guards, buddy, it would be you, me, and a pound of melted butter.

When I sent out a general Facebook request for Vancouver restaurant suggestions, none other than Jonathan Gold recommended Sun Sui Wah. Now, that is a recommendation to heed. If Jonathan Gold picked something up off the sidewalk and told me to eat it I probably would - no matter what Lux Interior said.



Sun Sui Wah started out in Hong Kong and became famous there for their squab. During the 80s they opened up two locations in Canada - one in Vancouver, and one in Richmond. The restaurant is set up for banquet facilities with a bride's changing room, and as the website says, "A party of twenty! No problem!"

When we arrived at the restaurant, they were indeed hosting a wedding reception. We had to park a few blocks away since the ample parking was taken up by wedding guests.



The bride in red



At this point my mom was ready to bail. But they offered us a corner crammed up against the seafood tanks, and Justin was down for the adventure. I was tempted to ask them to just bring us the same food as the wedding guests.





But the thing to have here is the Alaska King Crab.

Alaska King Crab
Indigenous to the deep clear waters of Alaska and free from pollutants, the Alaska King Crab is truly King of the sea with tender juicy sweet meat.

Following my family's Chinese restaurant tradition, everyone at the table gets to order one dish. My mom ordered chicken/lettuce wraps (Ants Climbing Tree), which was a familiar and comforting dish. But I was saving my appetite.



and my nephew ordered the squab.

The Famous Roasted Squab
The famous roasted squab, a signature dish marinated with a secret blend of seasoning and spices to bring out the best flavors, roasted till crispy with tender juiced meat. One taste and it becomes habit forming. Although the squab is a delicacy more familiar to the Asian culture, now everyone is discovering its' delicious taste and health values.

I split the squab with him. The skin was crispy and laquered, the meat was juicy and tender without the gaminess I had expected.



Really, we should have only ordered one thing. It was an insane amount of food. But damn it, I was there to have crab and God help me I was gonna have crab. I asked for the smallest crab. They brought a live one out for our inspection, and in spite of it frightening nearby diners, I nodded my approval.

My nephew warned, "Ummmm....auntie...." because he knew how much meat was in that monster. I had no idea. I had eaten 8 crab legs in one sitting before at the local crab shack, so this would be easy. And dammit, a Pulitzer Prize winner wanted me to eat this crab! If Gabriel Garcia-Marquez wanted me to eat this crab, who would I be to question him?



They offered me the crab two ways, so I chose steamed with garlic and cooked with curry. By now my mom was practically rolling her eyes at the insanity. But I was on a mission - a crab mission.

Try to imagine the most delicious seafood you have ever tasted - fresh, intense and clean. Now multiply it by a thousand. The first course was not as buttery as I expected, and the garlic was intense, but the meat was so sweet, so succulent...the perfect crab. I must admit, the crab legs seemed endless - each leg was split into four, and it became a test of fortitude.



When the second course of curried crab arrived, my nephew just shook his head. I was on my own. The creamy, rich sauce was a nice follow-up to the intense garlic. It was smooth and flavorful. My mom stared at me with a mixture of disapproval and horror.



When the bill arrived, I snatched it up as fast as I could. As we left, my mom muttered, "That crab probably cost you 200 dollars." When I got the credit card bill in USD, it came out to 80 dollars. And it was worth every cent.

I Can't Feel My Face: Chung King

Sometimes, while out wandering in the bars and clubs of Los Angeles, you might hear rumors about a Chinese restaurant whose food makes your face go numb. You might eavesdrop on whispered conversations about a secret chicken dish that makes you hallucinate. In a certain area of Monterey Park, it is rumored, they cook with an illegal pepper that possesses drug-like qualities. My friends have all attested to the numbing and blissful effects of this chicken dish. Even my husband, Bob, has made the trek on the Monterey Park version of the Marrakesh Express. Last night I finally coerced our friend, Jason, into taking us out for hallucinogenic chicken.

I did a little research, and discovered that the magical Szechuan peppers (huajiao), are the dried berries of the Prickly Ash. They were banned because of a bacteria that could endanger California's citrus crops, not because of any narcotic properties (the ban has since been lifted). Which is actually kind of disappointing. It is exciting to think that you are sampling something secret and forbidden. So if anyone hears about any opium-laced dumplings, give me a call.

There are a handful of restaurants along Garfield Avenue that cook with the huajiao pepper, and each one seems to have its devotees. Last night Jason took us to Heath and Gina's fave, Chung King. With only 8 tables and minimal decor, the little restaurant looks deceptively like a greasy spoon. Chung King resembles one of the $1 Chinese Food places that populate America's strip malls. But do not be fooled - this is not your local strip mall. just a few miles from home, you are deep within another culture. The menu has English translations, and although no one speaks English, everyone communicates with smiles and gestures. Still, there is an otherworldliness that made me glad to have Jason to rely upon. After quizzing us on our preferences, he ordered in long-winded Mandarin while we smiled stupidly.

Boiled in Hot Sauce (Fish and Beef)

He summarized our order for us in English:
Fried Chicken Cubes with Hot Pepper
Boiled in Hot sauce...Fish and Beef
Delicious Smelled Beef
Fried Chinese Bacon with Garlic Sprouts

Hmmm...Chicken, fish, beef and pork. All the same old stuff. The menu I read was filled with adventure...frog, eel, intestine, kidney, and tripe. I said, "You don't have to order a wimpy menu for us. I'm willing to eat eel or intestine." Jason said, "Oh, that's NOT a wimpy menu. If you want to get weird, you do that at the cold buffet." After placing your order, you head to the back of the restaurant to a glass deli counter full of exotic delights. I eyed the tripe, but nobody else seemed interested. I find I sometimes want to eat something daring just to test myself, and I actually have no interest in it at all. Each cold plate comes with three selections. Bob did not seem very decisive, so I ordered the pig ear, dried beef, and pickled long beans. Jason chose the peanuts with fish, seaweed and cucumbers.

Pig's ear, Dried beef and Pickled long bean

The kitchen surprised us by having our hot order ready by the time we returned to our table, so we had plates crowding every inch of the table. Except for the bacon, the serving platters were heaped with a frightening amount of hot chiles. I now understood what Jason meant by "not wimpy." I tried to start with the least spicy and numbing dishes so I wouldn't overwhelm my palate. The bacon was the most disappointing dish. It was a sort of boiled English bacon mixed with leeks. The blandness might have been a welcome relief from the heat of the other dishes, but its chewiness made it more trouble than it was worth. Jason later complained to the owner that it wasn't smoky enough, and she countered that he should have ordered the bacon with cabbage.

Next I looked over the cold plates. The boiled peanuts had little tiny dried fish mixed in with giant gaping mouths that disturbingly made it look like they were screaming. The peanuts were surprisingly not at all fishy. So next I went for the seaweed, commenting, "This is going to be really fishy." Bob caught my eye and I asked, "Is it strange that I eagerly reach for food while saying, 'Ooh, I'm going to HATE this!'?" He said, "I understand your curiosity." But again, the seaweed was not fishy at all. Not at all like the Japanese seaweed I have tried.

Next I selected a slice of pig's ear. It was very different than the pig's ear I had eaten in France, which was a big, chewy mass of cartilege. This was thinly sliced, steaked with ribbons of fat, and lightly pickled in a combination of spices, including most recognizably star anise and hot chile. The fat melted deliciously on my tongue like gelatin, but then my mouth caught on fire. It was like napalm. The fat coated your mouth, trapping the hot chili with it, so it was impossible to douse the flames.

The dried beef was like thick strips of beef jerky, extremely salty, but one of the least spicy items on the menu. I should have noticed the crushed Szechuan peppers coating the sides. My lips started tingling, parasthenia was setting in. This combination of elements is known as Ma La, literally "numb heat". My mouth had the strangest sensation of numbness, and then I felt my throat swell. I feared my throat would close up and I would be unable to breathe, so I pushed aside the cold platter.

Delicious Smelled Beef

The Delicious Smelled Beef was delicious, the meat so tender it seemed like it didn't even have any "grain" to it at all. I really liked the grub-looking slices of bamboo shoot. But it was painfully hot, even with my mouth already numb.

The hot pot beef and fish was homey and comforting. The fish, which we guessed was some type of cod, was tender and perfectly cooked. But again, super-hot-spicy! The best dish on the menu was the chicken, fried to perfection without a trace of greasiness. But this was the dish famous for those peppers, and after one paranoid suffocating episode, I didn't want to overdo it.

Fried Chicken Cubes with Hot Pepper

Everyone was really friendly, smiling and laughing. Jason said, "They are amused by you. They think it's funny that you are taking pictures of your food." So that seems to be a universal sentiment. At one point, when Jason had gone outside to answer a cell phone call, the owner, Grace, came over to proudly display a picture of herself with Huell Howser. So California's Gold beat us here. We communicated in gestures, that she was the sole proprietress of the place. Later, Jason told me that most of the restaurants in Monterey Park are owned by women.

Our proprietress, Grace, with Heull Howser

He asked her to bring some of the peppers out for me to look at, and she returned with a scant few in a white bowl. To see how strong they were, I pretended like I was going to down them like a shot of whiskey. I could tell by the way everyone freaked out and grabbed for the bowl, then laughed, relieved, that they really were not fooling around. She waited for me to photograph them, then stood there until I handed them back, and whisked them back to the kitchen. So they are either very expensive and dear, or very dangerous. The waitress came up to expound on the wonder of the peppers. She and jason talked for awhile, then strangely, he started rubbing her forearm. He interpreted, "She said that Szechuan is cold and humid, so they have to eat this pepper to clean out all of the toxins. She said that is why girls from Szechuan province have the softest skin in the world, which is why I had to see for myself."

There was much discussion between us as to whether or not the huajiao pepper was making us high. I definitely felt lightheaded and strange. That reaction could be attributed to the insane amount of hot chiles we had consumed, or even the culture shock of being in such a new environment. There was definitely an anaesthetic effect. It was compared to cocaine, and to narcotics, and psychedelics.


We stopped at the Boba shop to get slushies to cool off (red bean, green tea, and almond milk). They had a gumball machine selling little trinkets. Winnie the Pooh and friends were dressed up in a variety of costumes, including eachother. Tigger in a Pooh costume...Pooh in an Eeyore costume. It was a trip. I've always been strangely fascinated by animals dressed up as other animals. Then I saw this:




My mind was blown. I was obsessed with it. I could not rest or stop digging for quarters until I made it mine. Bob just stared at me, trying to figure out what was so amusing. It just seemed so obvious to me. I asked him intently, "Why would a BEAR dress up like a FISH?" The look he gave me made me admit that, OK, maybe the pepper did make me totally high. Chung King 206 South Garfield Avenue Monterey Park 91754 11am-10pm Cash Only.