Tuesday, June 15, 2010

OMG I Ate a Bug!!!!



I know no one will believe that I willingly ate a bug. I am terrified of bugs. I mean, I do know what flies taste like; they taste like soap. I did have four older brothers. I also know what cat food tastes like.

But when I decided to blog, I thought it only fair I try everything. But I drew the line somewhere - insects and eyeballs. NO INSECTS. NO EYEBALLS. I ate moose, antelope, buffalo. ox heart and seagulls eggs. I regularly eat bone marrow and foie gras and even rabbit and yes, I'm sorry they are cute.

I knew hanging out with these trippy deep end food guys would land me in the hot seat eventually. I innocently went to a viewing party for Bill Esparza, to watch him on Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods, no biggie. Then our lovely hostess started pouring the tequila.



When I said hi to Rachael, I saw one reason they had chosen this location -she had a plate of grasshopper tacos. Fuck me. So I had to get Eddie Lin, Mr Big Stuff, to pose eating a bug. Then this little sister dare thing kicked in and without anyone making me I decided it was time to just jump off the cliff.

I have photographic evidence AND video evidence because I know I am going to blow some of your minds. The grasshopper is dry, like the hull of barley or wheat, which is good considering the alternative.



But be it man or nature, this thing was not made to be eaten. Its carapace (pleasedontgagpleasedontgag) is hard and spiny, and ribbed (NOT for her pleasure). It sticks halfway down your throat and will not go down. Then you have to pick the legs out of your teeth.



Thank God for tequila. Thank you, Rachael, for letting me collapse in your lap, thanks HC for making me do it again. Why did you make me do it again?

So you all know what this means now - eyeballs.

10 comments:

Val said...

High in protien, low in fat, smokey, meaty taste, crunchy... what's not to like! Now that you had your first bug, you'll be hooked - but watch out for the silkworm larva, they can be a little nasty.

Rachael said...

Hilarious. You were a champ! XOXO

Greg said...

The silkworms were way too crunchy and hard to swallow physically and emotionally

H. C. said...

you're indeed a trooper, Kiki! (I personally was more freaked out about consuming the scorpion mezcal)

As for eyeballs, I do recall Ben Ford preparing those as part of his whole pig dinner... so if you can wrangle some of your daring food buddies to join ya for the $500 feast.

Kiki Maraschino said...

Oh, Val, I didn't notice anything smoky or meaty. I was getting scratched by barbed carapace. But now that I have opened that door, I'm sure joys await me

Kiki Maraschino said...

Greg, that was it. Very emotional.

Kiki Maraschino said...

Thanks HC, for being supporter "Get back on that horse!" and videographer.

I missed the mezcal. I think that came out later in the evening.

And speaking of eyeballs, Miss Rachael, here, said if we can get 12 of us (you, me, Val, Eddie...) she will happily make us an eyeball dinner.

Eddie Lin said...

Kiki,

Technically, when you ate the grasshopper, you also ate its eyes. Doesn't that count? There I've saved you from having to eat any more traumatizing food.

I'm so proud of you!

Kiki Maraschino said...

Oh, Eddie! You are a genius!!!!

Kristina said...

Wow! Yet more evidence to support the fact that you kick ass!! I salute you! I hate the word carapace!